Feiler goes on to explain how one psychologist observed that students who knew a lot about their family faced challenges better. Curious if this was true, psychologists Dr. Marshall Duke and Dr. Robyn Fivush set out to test this hypothesis. They developed a survey that asked children 20 questions about their families. The questions simply gave the researchers an idea if they knew anything about their parents’ and grandparents’ background- such as where they grew up and if there had been an illness in the family, etc.
The results were astonishing! After the children were surveyed and given a series of psychological tests, the conclusion was very clear.
Feiler reports, “The more children knew about their family’s history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem and the more successfully they believed their families functioned.”
This testing scale turned out to be the best predictor of children’s emotional health and happiness.
But it didn’t stop there. Shortly after they concluded the test, the attacks on September 11, 2001, took place. The psychologists decided to act on the rare opportunity to reassess the children while in a time of actual trauma. Again, the children who knew more of their family’s history were more resilient to the stress.
CONNECTION
When children are raised learning about family members and stories, then they know they aren’t alone and they are part of something that is bigger than themselves. This is family history!
And you know what? It doesn’t only work with children because it also worked for me a few years ago. I began learning about my own family history during a very difficult trial of caring for a child with a long and serious illness. I was worried and exhausted. My cup was empty. I began to learn about my great grandfather who had been attacked with mustard gas during WWI. That left him with a lifetime of pain and difficulty. He and his family dealt with many challenges because of his illness but still built a beautiful life! Learning about my great grandparents and the trials they faced during the great depression while raising 9 children taught me I could get through my trials too. The more I learned, the more I felt like I wasn’t alone.
I have been impressed the last few years at the power that connection to others has on our lives. Our happiness depends on it. One of the reasons social media can have a negative emotional impact is because it often does not offer the true human connection that we need. However, even if a story is from a long time past, it has the ability to connect and resonate with us, children included, in a very powerful way. I think it’s beautiful how much our spirits are connected to our family members- even if we have never known them in this life. I love that family history is written in our hearts even before we recognize it. The more I explore this topic, the more I believe in the ability for stories to heal and bind us.
where to start
How do we create an environment of sharing stories and history in our families? Where do we start? I think it is important to remember it can be as simple as sharing stories with our families in the car, at the dinner table, or at a bedtime. It doesn’t have to be a formal affair to have profound results. Opening up about overcoming a difficult trial in your life, how you got through it and what you learned can be extremely beneficial for others to hear. Even seemingly insignificant details about your life and childhood can be fun for younger generations to hear. Remember that young people today are having completely different experiences in their youth than you did. Stories of swimming in a creek, watching Saturday morning cartoons, catching fireflies in a jar, looking in the card catalog (ha!) etc. may be quite eye opening to a kid who has never had those opportunities. It may even encourage them to get outside and have some similar adventures- with the exception of using the card catalog, of course!
If you have similar concerns with the negative effects of technology on your children, below are some ideas to instill a curiosity of the positive tools that are available and getting kids involved in family history and memory keeping.
1. Download Family Search Memories App and use the audio recording feature to interview each other and older family members. Interview grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles. Ask about favorite family memories. Praise your kids for the memories they collect!
2. Download Google Docs on your family’s devices and share a document where everyone can contribute! Go around in a circle and write a story. Let each person write one line of the story and see where it goes! It’s fun to see watch the letters and words appear as someone else is typing!
4. Also, on Google Docs– Share and have everyone fill out a questionnaire. Then read them together and you can even add photos and printed out into a family book. The topic could be memories of a grandparent, holiday, vacation or even every day life and interests.
5. Use Ancestry Family Trees or the Family Search Fan Chart Tree (tutorial HERE) to find stories and photos of ancestors. Have everyone find something to share!
6. Read a biography or life sketch online of someone influential (family or otherwise) and talk about how we can benefit from learning about other people’s stories.
The important thing to remember is to make family history and story telling a natural part of your lives. Don’t wait for only special occasions to incorporate them. Start the conversations and see where they lead. Also, don’t let all the stories you gather be of a serious nature. Share the funny ones too! We all have embarrassments. Laughing about others’ mishaps can teach kids not to take them too seriously when it happens to them!
If any of you have had a personal experience of how family stories have blessed you or your family and would like to share, I’d love to hear about it! Please leave a message or comment.
